BISAYA 1 : Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur yan?
BISAYA 2 : Dili Bay!
BISAYA 1 : kay HIPI.
BISAYA 2 : Ayyy...tuntu ka man! kay Father iyan. kita mo gisulat nya man sa likud u, "SAFARI"
Wife : ha?! Bakit?
Lasing : kasi bumubukas yung banyo pag pumapasok ako ng banyo.
Wife : AHA! ikaw pala ang umiihi sa REF natin ha.
ANAK : Itay, ano po ba kaibahan ng CONFIDENT sa CONFIDENTIAL?
ITAY : Anak kita. CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung best friend mong is tikboy, anak ko din...CONFIDENTIAL yan.
MRS 1 : Suko na ako sa Mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago romansahin.
MRS 2 : Mas grabe yung Mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang roromansahin.
SAKRISTAN : Alam nyo na po yon sister, lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.
MADRE : Susme! Bayag ang apelyido mo?!!
SAKRISTAN : Sister naman...Rosario po.
PUPIL : Mam, bumubukol po ba ang utot?
TITSER : No! Definitely not! Kasi hangin lang yan. Remember hindi bumubukol ang utot.
PUPIL : Naku patay! Tae na to.
Lumilindol ng malakas noon...
Nagkagulo ang mga tao at nag-panic...
Sumigaw ang isang lalaki..."Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
sumagot ang isang lalaki..."Tanga! akinse pa lang!"
TINDERO : Sir bili na kayo ng kurtina!
ERAP : Sige bibili ako para sa computer ko.
TINDERO : Bakit po para sa computer?
ERAP : Haler!!! May Windows din kaya yun!
"Kung marunong ka lang magluto, 'di sana nakakatipid na tayo ng isanlibong piso isang buwan kaysa kumuha tayo ng tagaluto," reklamo ng asawang lalaki.
"Kung marunong ka lang sa kama, 'di sana nakakatipid na tayo ng dalawanlibo isang buwan kaysa kumuha tayo ng driver," balik ng babae.
"Sigurado ka rin bang gusto mong magpa-castrate?"
tanong ulit ng doktor sa isa pang guwapong pasyente.
"Opo, napag-usapan na namin ito ng misis ko," sagot ng nakangiting guwapong lalaki.
"Sigurado ka talaga ha?"
"Opo, gusto ko ng castration!"
Natuloy ang pagputol ng ari ng lalaki. Kinabukasan, ang misis naman ng lalaki ang tumawag sa ospital.
"Love, okay ba ang circumcision?"
Bumalikwas ang lalaki.
"T*ngina, sabi ko na nga ba, iba ang dinig ko, eh!"
China: Stop at 1 child.
Singapore: Stop at 2 children
Philippines: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Respondent:
Yank: Keep trying!
Briton: Change doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice Yoga!
Pinoy: LET ME TRY!
A Filipino man parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office building, ready to show it off to his Filipino colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The filipino immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Filipino started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop
did to it.
When the Filipino finally calmed down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you Filipino people are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the Filipino. The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Oh my God!" screamed the Filipino. "My Rolex is gone!"
Husband: Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!
Wife: Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!
Husband: Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!
Wife: Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!
